he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
