I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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