We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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