youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
