if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
