hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
