Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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