My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I am naked and annoyed.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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