just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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