how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
