I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
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Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i now understand why vodka
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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