Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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