how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
