I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i think i just lost a toe
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
