This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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