Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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