we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Can you bring me the toilet please
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
