I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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