Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
