Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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