she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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