i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
