She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
