Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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