Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I did not marry a roomba.
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