i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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