so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
