i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
