walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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