her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
