one two three fourrrrnication!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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