check it out our google latitudes are spooning
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
