my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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