I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
