I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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