So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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