Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
