idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
