this boner is exhausting
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
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He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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