Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
