you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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