Christians are straight up FREAKS
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
