I'm laying in your front yard are you home
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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