I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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