nut hugger
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
