I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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