Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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