i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
