you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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