I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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