Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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