he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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