The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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