but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
