Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
