A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
