I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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