it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
