i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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