I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
