am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
