So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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