Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
