You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
